Life is like the tide, it ebbs and flows in wealth, health and experiences...all the more reason to hang around and see what happens next!
Wow, where do I start...
I think I can start with my inner war. I will try to be as eloquent than I can. Okay, here is the story...it's kinda fanatical, but that is just me...
I wait in my tent far back up on the hill at a advantage gained earlier this morning. I have been wracking my brain, thinking of what is it exactly that I wish to accept, this war that is about to take place, there is much that cannot be put into print for fear of retaliation from my enemies.
They call me the General, that's it just the General, no names to be confused, I am who I am but, I do not know what I am. This I will find out in final moments of this battle today. I know we must crush the enemy that awaits upon us in the valley below. The things I like to accomplish within this lifetime are, plain, down to earth to have an order in which my mundane life hopefully will function at a normal pace, (what ever normal is!) accomplishing the daily tasks necessary, calming my mind and body and then when normalcy is out of the question, I find that comforting pace is highly disrupted like right now at the present time, not just because of this war, the war is necessary for the balance in my life. Then there is my other life. My wild child side…yang, my yin is holding onto a tread, perhaps this is why this war must take place. The sun starts to rise and my troops are getting anxious in the sun and wind. The war drums are beating, I feel them down to the very core of my being. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, I feel their rhythm. The enemy has made no advancement. Who is this enemy that makes no move? Yet they are here to challenge us? They have no name, their banner high above them flapping in the warm breeze cannot be made out for it still too distant. Again it is a stare down again. They hold their position, taunting us, trying to draw our fire.
Suddenly, there is bugle call and the drumbeats are picked up a couple notches and they are now advancing! They move slowly, so maybe we wouldn't notice? But we were hoping the would be the first at it anyway. Now the time has come! I can feel my heart leaping...I am on my charger in an instant. Our drums take a new pitch, faster and faster. We are lined up below in the valley now, I shout instructions, ready aim wait for the call to loose the arrows and then the charge. I ride back and forth in front my troops. I keep them encouraged with words and they cheer and they are ready! Do not let the enemy make the first attack, crush them, drive them before you and hear the lamentations of their women (ya, I know, but it was good advice). Down with these usurpers and don't forget to burn last! They will not cause disruption in the peaceful order of this life. When the enemy cannot stand it anymore, they charge sweeping down into the valley. I call to the archers "Fire at will!" I can see their banner now clearly. It is filled with the destructive forces of evil. As I gaze upon it I feel it draining me with every wave. Their chanting is menacing and trance like. The banner they wave is the uniform red circle with a slash over a happy face smiling, red blood drops from holes on a black background. It almost stops the troops on the spot, taking all their hope. I snap awake, raise my own sword high, yelling over the drums. CHAAARGE!!
The first lines of the enemy go down, my heart lifts for the first time. The others are running over the wounded and dead. Down with Doubt, Fear, Shame, Procrastination, Pessimistic, Hopelessness, Harmful Thinking, Depression, all the captains holding to all the negative feelings and fears we have. I call to my captains Happiness, Confidence, Loyalty, Reliability, Optimistic, Encouragement, Hopeful, Faith we cannot slip or fall for we will be tread upon and that would mean defeat. We must win this war, we must or not go on at all. For we will only be shadows of what great warriors we once were. Forever glorified on the lost battlefield against this enemy. Please, Please I plead in my heart, not that disappointment! I ride to the flag, I must destroy this evil thing. I hack at the guards, the flag barer is close and see fear in his eyes as they lock on mine. Advancing to his spot, there is no mercy as I stab him until the black ink oozes from him. I see the enemy's flag waiver and then fall, as one by one my Captains slay the opposing negative feelings and then it is as one they start to crumble until finally they are nothing more than dust. The General of Negativity is my prisoner.
I cannot dwell upon the past, I have to accept the past and live on, learning from what has transpired and not have these negative feelings be repeated. Only I have the power to let General Negativity escape again. My prisoner must stay imprisoned. Feeling only the positive and magnifying it until it begins to glow warm and grow like a good fire. Yet, I know that it can only be balanced knowing what negativity is in his prison, hangs near me trying to deflate those positive feelings. For you must have the good and the bad, the balancing of Ying and Yang. You must know the bad to know the good. Then stating you are happy and comfortable and meaning it. Making peace within yourself is to survive and flourish.
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